Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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