Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
