You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
