Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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