well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
