i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
