Where is the hickey?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
