why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
