So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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