and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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