I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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