the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
