I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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