The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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