god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
