Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
