I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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