I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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