my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we made out on top of his cat.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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