so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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