Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
