Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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