Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
