Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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