There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
