I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
