oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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