maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
