I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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