i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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