No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
