What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
