happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
