Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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