you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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