and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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