If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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