im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
