so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I looked at my own cervix.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
