I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
