just tell him i said nine months
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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