Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
