Ambien. No doubt about it.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
