Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
