she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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