Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
