I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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