i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
