I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
