my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
