I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
