How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
