my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
