Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
