she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
